Spring break lies

Things get crazy at Ice House. (Credit: Carlos Chavez/azcentral.com)

I'm not saying everyone down here is a liar. I'm just saying that sometimes, truth can be as elastic as the ties on a sting bikini.

Here's a look at a few of the most common:

1. "I can stand. I can stand. I can stand," young man crawling on the sidewalk after nearly capsizing his three friends who were struggling to hold him up.

2. "I do business in Phoenix, but I thought, rather than hang out there for the weekend, I'd come down here. I didn't know it was spring break," self-described married Mormon man who took off his wedding ring and was sipping a shot of Johnnie Walker.

3. "Let's just cuddle. Come with me and we can just cuddle," spike-haired blond man with his arms around a mini dress-wearing woman whom he was imploring as they walked down the main drag in the Mirador.

4. "I can drink all night and not get drunk. Like, all night. Like right now, this is, like, my fifth beer, and I'm fine," drunk woman.

5. "It's going to get crazy in here. C'mon ladies, wet T-shirt contest is going to start in just a few minutes. It's going to get crazy in here," emcee at the Ice House nightclub, where the crowd was sparse and at no point did it look like it was going to get much of anything, let alone crazy.

6. "Hey you guys, the Sand Sluts just got here. Things are getting crazy," same emcee describing a short bus painted "Sand Sluts Party Crew" out of which came no sand, four crewmembers and three women who were not dressed provocatively and appeared to be crew girlfriends.